It was like someone had set off a bomb. There was an instant ear drum torture chamber of screams, yells and a low vibration through the floor. Somewhere, the massive speaker system let go its first guitar rift. And every single one of these people LIVED for these nights. The whole area in front of the stage was not just a giant mosh pit, but a dance floor waiting to be trampled on. Its once nice wooden floors were scraped and banged up from numerous shoes, high heels and black-outs over the course of years. As the night wore on, the bodies would mix, the sweat would fly and the voices would ware down to nothing. Vocal cords would be ripped to shreds, guitar strings would break, drum sticks would snap clear in half and "drunk" would be a common state.
If there was one place to be this time of the year, it was here. This grand central for all things rock n' roll. The whole club house would start to smell of smoke, alcohol and dirty sweat. The bathrooms would reek of vomit and sex. Every now and then, the distant moans of pleasure could be heard escaping one of these stalls. It wasn't uncommon to see some guy follow a girl into the women's restroom or vice versa. Half the time, people didn't even pay attention. And I wouldn't be surprised if you gained AIDS just by taking a piss in one of these places. As disgusting as it was, there was nowhere else in the world I'd rather be.
The first day of summer was always seen as a chance for freedom when we were kids. But for those of us who wished to live the life of "sex, drugs and rock n' roll", we came here, to the biggest rock club we'd ever seen. Rockon. The first day of summer, the club always announced its "Top Player" of the year. Top Player almost ALWAYS made it big after being named such. That's how notorious this place was. Only the best of the best were picked to perform, and there were always record companies trying to spot new talent here. Who knows, maybe the next Guns n' Roses was gonna be playing here. AC/DC? KISS? Pink Floyd? You name it, we've heard it all. And every year I wasn't picked, I just became more agitated. I was never good enough. No matter how hard I practiced, no matter how much time I spent trying to be a world ace at the guitar and ignoring my school lessons, no matter what I did, someone else always beat me out for Top Player. But this year...this year I was determined. I swear to fuckin' GOD, I was going to make it in this time. I spent every day, and hours during those days doing nothing but playing up the guitar.
So much so, that my band didn't want to even follow through anymore. They had other things they wanted to go do. They didn't want to be number one. Funny, when we formed up five years ago, it was all we thought about. We also tried out for Top Player five times already and failed every time. They just up and gave up. Like it was nothing at all. Like we never worked at it. I wasn't about to just throw everything away. That's why, my sixth time trying to make Top Player, I went alone. I didn't need a band anymore. Once I got Top Player, people would be on their fuckin' knees, begging me to make them a part of the next big gig. Guys would be strolling up to me every which way, trying to act cool. Trying to show me what they got. Both as an on stage and off stage persona. And the girls, hell, don't even get me started on them. I'd have girls paying ME for sex. I'd have them every night, screaming my name. All so they could be some back-up vocalist or some shit. Like anyone would even notice them.
My name is Kai. And this is Rockon.
~~~
"Alright, can I have your attention please?"
Kai fidgeted nervously with his guitar pick. This was it. His sixth time trying out for Top Player. He'd seen the judge's faces. He knew they'd been impressed. His band had broken up with him shortly after their fifth year trying out. They all had started to drift off anyway. Practice wasn't as important, relationships, families and futures that didn't contain music were. He couldn't understand how they just thought it was all over.
"Just give it up, dude."
Those words still echoed so clearly in his mind. It was as if the ex-drummer's words had just been said yesterday. Hiroto was always blunt about these things. He and Kai had known one another since high school, and he didn't seem like one to hold back.
"If it hasn't happened yet, it's probably not going to."
The vocalist, Ryu. His own disapproval had been quite a strike to Kai. After all, he and Kai were the ones who formed the band to begin with. Kai had thought his passion was just as well done as Ryu's was. Apparently, he'd been wrong.
"Sorry Kai, but...I just don't see us going anywhere."
And the bassist, Mariku. He’d had a strong belief, but not a good ethic. If anyone, he was the one who missed practices a lot. And Kai often found himself blaming all the problems on the bass work. Even though he knew some of it had to be himself. Not that he'd admit that.
Whatever. They all left him, and now he was about to make history. He'd show them. Hiroto had gone off and got married at the age of twenty-six. Kai only had stayed at that wedding until the vows were said. Then he was on his way back home to practice some more. Ryu had been the youngest. Twenty, to be exact. He decided to pursue a career in fine arts. Some kind of art program was the last Kai heard. And Mariku. He was the oldest, at twenty-nine. He'd be thirty this December. He and his wife were expecting a child and he knew he couldn't go on like this. Kai was twenty-two, saw no reason to get married or even get in a relationship for that matter. He was perfectly fine being single and alone. And college was the last thing he wanted in his life. As if passing high school had been hard enough. He'd almost dropped out on numerous occasions because he hated it so much. He'd only kept up with it if it weren't for his parent's constant nagging and Hiroto's encouragement. As soon as he had enough money, he'd moved out and rented an apartment with Hiroto. But Hiroto always brought his girlfriend over and Kai got tired of hearing them fucking. He decided to move into a small, one bedroom apartment where his full-time job as a record store clerk got him by. He'd managed to ask for this day off of course. He was amazed he even got it. His boss was a jerk-wad who rarely let anyone go. But Kai had been doing extra work and more than a little brown nosing to get where he was today. After this though, he wouldn't need a job. The judges were about to announce that he'd just won Top Player.
"We enjoyed all the acts we saw today," came a judge's voice, snapping Kai back to the current situation. "There was a ton of talent, and each of you are wonderful artists!"
Wonderful my ass, Kai thought. If they were all so wonderful why didn't they all get picked? He crossed his arms, feeling his impatience rise. Just hurry up and announce the damn winner.
"But, we can only pick one winner of Top Player." The main judge continued. "And this year, we have decided that this coveted title belongs to..."
Kai stood up. He began walking towards the stage, knowing the prize, a golden guitar trophy, a performance at Rockon and all the fame he could imagine was about to be his. Finally, after waiting for six long years, he was finally going to get what he deserved. With a confident smile on his face, he took a step forward."Eternity Rain!"
Kai stopped as a sudden squealing from across the room made him jolt. His gray eyes immediately swiveled over to the all female rock band, who were completely ecstatic. There were five of them. A vocalist, a guitarist, a bassist, a drummer and a violin player. Their mix of overly-cute clothing made a blur as they ran onto the stage, grinning ear to ear.
The judges began congratulating them, but Kai was no longer paying attention. First, he felt his heart sink, and he almost had to do a double take. Eternity Rain? They were joking, right? No...no, there were the girls. All jumping around on stage and laughing like little stuck-up bitches. It felt as if someone had opened a hole in his chest and now all of his confidence, his belief and his dreams were slowly leaking onto the floor. Then, he felt his hands curl into fists. His eyes seemed to light with fire as they glared upwards. He could feel the vein in his neck contracting and he felt like screaming at them, not caring if anybody saw him. He wanted the world to realize how angry he was, how these retards stole HIS prize! The rage was steaming up pretty fast. He needed to get out of there before he exploded. He stalked out of the room, his guitar slung over one shoulder. He could feel his whole body rocking as one foot slammed in front of the other. The judge's went on as if it really mattered. No one else in that room cared to be there anymore. They were all just as pissed as Kai was.
No. Kai was pissed more than any of them. He slammed open the doors so hard, he swore they would fly off their hinges. Any fucker that dare talk to him at this moment would get their face beat in. ALL THAT WORK! ALL THE FUCKIN' WORK AND THIS IS WHAT HE HAD TO SHOW FOR IT! He twisted his head to the side, hearing his neck pop. A sure fire sign he was about to kick someone's ass. Hell, he should go back and get one of those judges. He exited the building, slamming open the doors to the outside.
The sun beat down on him, but it was if he paid it no heed. He quickly stalked over to his pile of shit for a car and roughly tossed the guitar in the backseat, not caring what he broke in the process. Starting up the engine, his fists slammed down on the steering wheel. He quickly removed a pair of, small, rectangular sunglasses from his face, brushing strands of his spiked, black hair out of the way in the process. Backing up, he drove the ten minutes it took him to get back to his dumpy apartment. All the while seething about what had just happened. The radio began flaring up some 1980's big-hair band, but it wasn't like Kai would ever be able to remember it. His hand grabbed the volume knob and turned it all the way down. So forcefully, he was amazed he didn't rip the knob right off. Once he actually made it to the appartment complex, parked, climbed the stairs to the second floor and entered the room, he knew he had to find his bed fast. At least pillows could muffle the sounds he was about to make. He entered the tiny hallway, entered the tiny bedroom and found his tiny bed. He walked over to it, throwing himself down face first into the pillow and screamed. He didn't care who heard him, or what they thought. He didn't care if the druggies next door even wondered about him. Probably not. They were always so high by this point in the day, they were most likely blacked out. There was some stupid ass bitch at the end of the hall who always called the police about everything. Even when someone barely had their music turned up. Kai felt his fist come up and punch the pillow. He kept punching it, acting like it was one of those judge's faces. They took everything from him! Again! Another whole year of hard work and practice just thrown out the window!
Suddenly, he sat up. He felt quite drained here, all of the sudden. He leaned forward on the edge of his bed and places his head in his hands. He could feel his body rocking back and forth, but he didn't question it. He felt his emotion at his failure beginning to well up in him. God, don't fucking cry you pussy. Pull it together. No wonder you're a failure. You're insecure. You're weak. His head lifted and he stared at the bleak door before him. He needed something. He needed something to forget about all this emo shit. He stood up, exiting his room and making his way to the kitchen. Walking to the fridge, he quickly extracted a beer and began to down it without even thinking. Just as he pulled the bottle away from his mouth, he felt a vibration in his pocket.
Pulling out his cell phone, he saw Hiroto's number. No. No fucking way did he want to talk to any of those morons right now. He put the phone back in his pocket and continued downing the beer. When it was gone, he reached for a second.
Hours may have passed in that time, but Kai soon lost track. Bottle after bottle made its way to the counter, and he gave no indication of stopping. The next thing he remembered was waking up somewhere.
He was on his bed, and he saw light streaming in from somewhere. His head was killing him. Looking around in a daze, he realized it was a lot darker than he thought. He noticed the light was actually moon light, not sun. He didn’t want to turn on the lights. He heard something outside of his bedroom. Was someone here? He reached for the door knob, noticing something on the floor. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was a pile of his own barf. Apparently, he hadn’t made it to the bathroom in time. He staggered out into the hall, not caring who saw him.
"I see you're alive."
Glancing at the couch to his right, he saw Hiroto reading a magazine.
"What the hell do you want?" Kai groggily asked.
Hiroto glanced over at him.
"I see Rockon didn't happen...again."
Kai felt his anger well up again.
"Shut the fuck up, man." He growled, some of his words slurring together. "They have something against me, I swear."
Hiroto didn't answer right away, nor did he appear phased at all by what Kai had just said.
"You need to stop getting so smashed." He eventually said.
Kai shook his head. It made his eyes swim.
"What the hell does it matter to you?" he questioned.
"Can't you go one sentence without swearing?" Hiroto then asked.
"No." Kai immediately said.
"Such a dirty mouth." Hiroto stated. He looked up at Kai then.
"Keiko is getting tired of me coming over here and checking on you." He said. "You're my friend Kai and I worry about you. But if you're going to keep doing shit like this, I'm not gonna keep coming over here to help you."
"No one said you had to check in on me." Kai stated. "You're not my fuckin' babysitter."
"You're right, I'm not." Hiroto said, his tone now sounding none too friendly.
"But like I just said, you're my friend so I feel a certain need to watch over you. Because you obviously can't."
"What do I need you for?" Kai asked, looking away at some spot on the floor.
"Who got you a job?" Hiroto asked, "Who got you through high school so you wouldn't drop out? Who offered you a home to live in and food? Who got you as far as you are?"
Kai didn't answer, not wanting to admit the truth.
"I'm telling you Kai," Hiroto continued, now standing up. "I'm only going to give you a few more chances to shape up your life. If you don't, then don’t expect me to do you any favors."
"Not like I want them." Kai said, still in somewhat of a drunk state.
Hiroto folded up his magazine and gave Kai a curt nod.
"Well, if you're all better, I'll be on my way."
With that, he turned and exited the apartment.
"Don't be in a rush to come back!" Kai called, even after the door slammed shut.
"Stupid...ass..." Kai muttered. Looking at the clock on the table next to the couch, he saw it was one in the morning. Screw everything else. He was going back to sleep. Hobbling back into the bedroom, he fell down on his bed again. Whether he woke up in time for work tomorrow, he didn't care. He missed his chance again. He had the opportunity to right his wrongs more than once. But all he could see was a path leading downward, and never winding its way back up. Even as he closed his eyes, and his throat became tight, he could feel it. A single tear sliding down his face.