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I'm going to college so I can work at Gaia.

GAIA GAIA GAIA GAIA

Fleep's right. I care so much for people I don't even know. But don't I know at least a few of them? We talk, we wonder, we discuss, we imagine. Aren't you getting to know someone just by talking these things with them, even if it is online? I must admit, there is only so far trust can get you in an online environment. But look beyond that!

Gaia took my life from me. It made me fall in love with people who society would say was too old for me. Or maybe it's just me being a fool. I want to curse Gaia and yet love it at the same time. I love it. I love it a lot. I love the people that made it because they made it.

I want to change people's lives like L0cke did. He changed mine. He made me think about my own life. He makes me want to get up and LEAVE this house at 1:33 in the morning on a night (or morning) when I have class and go out and learn to skateboard. I'll just go to the first damn skate shop I see and get a board. I'll go out and fall on my ass and scrape my arms and bruise my back a million times just so I can change lives like he has. He changed mine. Isn't that what he wants to do? Help people? He wants to be an artist. I want to be an artist. He's the reason I'm writing this right now. Even though only a handful of people will probably ever see it. I wonder if people will even read it.

It makes me want to go out and stay out. It makes me want to be loved, to be held and told I'm wanted by the man I want. That feels so far away at this time. Gaia is so far away. It will still be a few years. BUT I WANT IT NOW. I want to change lives just like L0cke has. I want to talk to him about his life. His hell. I want to talk about our characters and how much we love them. I want Fleep to tell me everything will be okay. I want to draw with L0cke. He understands me.

And Lanzer, I just want to thank. I want to thank him for giving me this love and yet giving me this curse. This curse that you can't show people who you really are. You could be 100% genuine and they'd never know. Not unless you're THERE. Where the action is.

Remember how L0cke changed lives? Remember how I want a skateboard? I still do. I want to go lay on rooves and watch cats and walk around in San Jose and see women crying that I want to help. I want to climb that mountain and see that sky and that feild. I want to feel that rain, that pen in my hand, that feeling. I want to be hyped up on jetfeul, I want to hide behind a thousand chairs, I want to cry and make a river for the animals, I want to make a Scorpion, I want to make people say "it's a Cid thing", I want to lay at a desk and cry just like now. I want to be him.

I want to be happy.