A Site for Your Sore Eyes!
So I got a Wii.
It would be fun if I stopped thinking about other shit. Like emo stuff. I know that's how it'll sound if I just wrote it all out. If you want a rant, here's a good one.
Do you think this is fake? Do you think the fact that we have screens seperating us means it's fake? That it can't be real? Oh, it's real. I don't know how to prove that to you, but it's real. I LOVE YOU. You can say whatever you want, but if I didn't love you I wouldn't even be THINKING about you right now. I wouldn't be so wound up around you or so bothered at how you never even wanted to tell me there was someone else.
Sure, it may not be my business. But if you go tell me you break up with someone WHEN YOU KNOW I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU, what do you think that hints to me? Then you go and tell me you don't want to lead me on. How you want to stop talking to me. Sounds a bit contradicting. You're happy that when you leave the internet, you leave me. God, it pisses me off. All the attention and affection I have given to you and this is how you say thank you. Well, you're fucking welcome.
They don't lie when they say love is the slowest form of suicide. Do you know how fucking hard it is for me to be told "no" over and over again. After all I do for people? Can't I just get a little love in return? I'm fucking nineteen and still haven't been kissed, because I sit around and wait for worthless people like you who won't ever give me a chance. Because you think I'm fake. Because you think I'm just some "fangirl" and this is just some "crush". Well, it's not. It's real. And this isn't the first time I've felt this way involving you. They say to let you go, but why is it SO damn hard? Why do I want to make you better? Why do I want to be there for you? Why do I want to do all these things to make you happy, when I know full well, you won't lift a damn finger to do the same for me?
Am I that sorry of a case? Do you really hate me that much? Ya know, there was a time when you thought I was "cool". You always said that. I know when you said I was "cool" that wasn't the only thing that word meant. "Cool" was your code word for "I care about you". Do you feel the same now? No. Do I wish you still did? Hell yes. But I can't do a thing to change the past, so maybe I should just forget about it. I'm angry, hurt, and alone. And you wonder why I'm acting the way I do. You know when all those other girls started paying attention to you? Flirting with you and crushing on you same as I did. Funny how you didn't mean shit to them until recently. And how long have I been STANDING HERE WAITING FOR YOU? Over a year. And then these people just come running in and it's like, sayanora!
Look at all the love you have. There's no reason for you to be unhappy. Unlike me, you won't just fade from people's eyes. Especially the ones you care about. But the ones I care about? They'll forget me. Just like you, and all the others, they'll forget me. Well, whoopdie-fuckin' dah! I hope you have fun, I do. I cared for you more than I should have. I loved you, and look what it did for me. It just proved that if you give someone affection, you damn well won't get it in return.
Sarah - August 2007